Celebrity: You'll Never Make Love in This Town Again

(Dove Books, 1995, by Robin, Liza, Linda and Tiffany — as told to Joanne Parrent)

The blurb is the back from Gloria Steinem claims that amongst other stuff, this book "explains why woman-hating movies are foisted on the world." Well, she must have read a different book, for You’ll Never Make Love In This Town Again is little more than an overlong and tiring read about the perversions of stars named, unnamed and inferred by four woman of varying likeability who claim to have made their living at times as prostitutes in Hollywood. The goal of Joanne Parrent might be noble, but the book remains nonetheless trashy and, in the end, redundant.

Despite the hefty setbacks some of the four gals had as kids, the odd pride that sometimes infuses their narration of their plied trade takes the punch out of the expose, pushing the book from factual to cheaply thrilling. This tawdry flavor is reinforced completely by the books entire packaging, and its claim to expose "the other side of the industry – equally insidious, twice as intriguing and thricely erotic."

Well, you won't get any hard-ons here, but aside for Robin and sometimes Liza, you won't feel much sympathy either. The stories often reek too much of women who wanted and enjoyed the fun of their exciting and "sleazy" lifestyle but are now pissed off to find out that it included no retirement benefits. You know, you eat too many deserts, you gonna get fat; in the end, the amount of cake – and number of dicks or pussies – you eat is your decision. Simply said, just because it is there doesn't mean ya got to do it. The life that the woman chose exits on many levels in every country, not just Hollywood – but probably only in Hollywood will the stories then include the big names. People do like to putting the blame on something, don't they? Hell, the nature of a one night stand or a fuck-relationship remains the same no matter who it involves; these girls just got drugs and money for taking part in the fun. The rest of the world, well, some who lived the life (but at a different level or different way) lost everything too or moved on to newer, better things (like a job, relationship, kids, bills, high blood pressure and an early death). But, god damn it, we didn't do it with James Cann, Warren Beatty or Shannon Tweed (who?). Drugs and sex can be a fuck-up no matter who is involved; hopefully you learn from the mistakes and move on. If not, well, whine out a book like this and make some money from the cheap titillation….

This volume has since been followed by Hooking Up: You'll Never Make Love in This Town Again Again, which probably is just more of the same but with new names.